10 WTF Bumper Stickers

After eliminating stickers that were politically biased to the point of being pestiferous, as well as those that appeared to be from Spencer Gifts’ “Unfunny Asshole” division, it wasn’t difficult to trim the final selection down to 10. So, without further ado, I present to you the 10 bumper stickers that are most likely to induce a chortled “wtf?”

1. The Municipal Worker’s Creed

Who thinks it’s funny: Anyone residing in a state with a major roadway that’s been under construction since approximately the Regan Administration.

2. Mothers Against Drunk Fondling

Who thinks it’s funny: Anyone who ever listened to The Loaf’s Paradise By The Dashboard Light/Parents routinely overheard describing cherubic toddler as their “Happy little surprise.”

3. Truth In Stereotypes

Who thinks it’s funny: Men in general/women who can be routinely found performing small engine repairs while their male counterparts relax, sipping their frappuccino gingerly while thumbing through the new L.L. Bean catalog.

4. The Good Ol’ Days

Who doesn’t think it’s funny: Jimmy “Designer Board” Jitbag and his roving band of spoiled socialites.

5. Kill The [Bike] Messenger

Who thinks it’s funny: People who live in large metropolitan areas densely populated with “hipster” bike messengers and their loathsome elitist “underground” culture.

6. College Rivalry

Who think it’s funny: Michigan State University alums/anyone who doesn’t know jackshit about college sports, but finds the obscurity of the question humorously appealing.

7. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Homemade Beer

Who think it’s funny: Hardcore fans of the Miami Herald’s Pulitzer Prize winning humor columnist Dave Barry, who daily mourn his retirement.

8. Rules of the Road

Who thinks its funny: Veteran road warriors/anyone whose ever shaken their head and muttered “Idiot” while watching a newly-licensed 16 year-old barrel balls-to-the-wall down the right hand lane.

9. Smith Family Update

Who think it’s funny: Regular recipients of those smarmy “family brag sheets” often sent at Christmas time that describe in excruciating detail the epic achievements of a family who probably spends Saturday evenings listening to Lake Woebegone together.

10. 01011011

Who think it’s funny: Your office tech support guy/Windows Vista users/The kid you ridiculed mercilessly in high school who is now worth more than the gross national product of many small countries.

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First “Entry Level” Ferrari California Sold For $500k

Although not scheduled to make its first official appearance until next week at the Paris auto show, the first “baby” Ferrari California was sold at an auction recently for nearly double its projected retail value. Hosted by California Governantor Arnold Schwarzenegger, the auction was held to benefit the After School All Stars program, an initiative which dispenses funds to underprivileged school children. Held in both Maranello, Italy and Santa Monica, California, the charity event successfully hauled in a significant chunk of change for California’s disenfranchised demographic, ultimately awarding the coveted pre-production baby Ferrari to the highest bidder for an estimated $520,000. Since it’s for a good cause, I’ll refrain from making any of the usual remarks about the obviously insignificant size of the buyer’s genitals.[News Source: Auto Unleashed]

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2009 Mopar Dodge Challenger Drag Pak Available For Order, Long-Haired Freaky People Need Not Apply

Yesterday, Jalopnik posted about Mopar’s unveiling of the 2009 Dodge Challenger Drag Pak, which one commenter pointed out appeared to have been designed for “the man with a switchblade in his sock and only one testicle” [which I personally found to be uproariously funny and dead-on-balls accurate]. The Mopar Challenger Dragster is serious business though, and Mopar actually requires all potential buyers to fill out an application before getting behind the wheel, presumably to screen out those who aren’t man enough [a tobacco spitting contest is included in phase 2 of the review process].

Mopar also suggests that all potential buyers have hold a competition driver’s license, but, as another Jalopnik commenter pointed out, a New Jersey or Michigan driver’s license will pass as a sufficient substitute. Although I jest in my usual smartass vein, Mopar’s somewhat unusual precautions isn’t merely pomp and circumstance, the ‘09 Mopar Challenger Drak Pak has some serious power. About 800lbs lighter then the stock Dodge Challenger SRT8, the Mopar Challenger is offered with 3 engine options: a 5.7L HEMI, 6.1L HEMI, or a 5.9L Magnum Wedge - all available with either manual or automatic transmission. Officially introduced back in July at the 29th Annual Mopar Mile-High Nationals, the 2009 Mopar Dodge Challenger Drak Pak became available for order on September 8, 2008. Only 100 models of the Mopar edition Challengers will be produced, but surprisingly, the Manufacture Suggested Retail Price is in the reasonable $30,000-$35,000 range. Unfortunately, buyers will have to supply their own Bic lighters and Kid Rock albums.

[Photo Cred: Mopar Muscle Magazine]

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Pictures from an American Junkyard Part I

Working at an auto salvage yard is an interesting experience. You meet a lot of strange people and you see a lot of strange things. Here is just a partial pictorial history of the past few years I had at Jimmie’s Auto Parts in Philadelphia, Pa:

This is Johnny, he strips down cars. He also calls Mitsubishi’s,”EetsyBeetsys”.

This is one of the lots, after it’s filled, we would wait anywhere from 30 to 90 days, then crush all the cars in the lot to make room for new ones.

Cars next in line to be crushed

Seven cars on top of each other, ready to be taken away to the scrap metal buyer

There are also racks and trailers filled with auto parts like wheels and auto glass

Some parts have been in the inventory for a very long time

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Ralph Gilles Is Bringing Sexy Back To Chrysler LLC, From The Inside Out

Chrysler ecoVoyager Concept

Ralph Gilles, Chrysler LLC’s new design chief, announced that he plans to lead Chrysler in a more “organic” direction. Steering [sorry] away from the blunt edges and raw masculinity of vehicles like the Dodge “Man Wagon” Magnum and the Dodge Nitro, Gilles says consumers can look towards the Dodge Zeo and Chrysler ecoVoyager for future design cues.

Dodge Zeo Electric Concept Car

Prior to assuming the role of design chief, Gilles sat at the helm of Chrysler’s interior design team. Admittedly, one of his first priorities is distancing Chrysler from their reputation for bland, plastic interiors. With the 2009 Dodge Ram 1500, Gilles believes he has successfully taken the first step in the right direction.

2009 Dodge Ram 1500 Photo Gallery after jump

In addition to the 2009 Dodge Ram 1500, both the 2009 Jeep Compass and 2009 Jeep Patriot can also serve as a sneak peak of the cosmetic overhaul that is to come. Besides upgrading interior quality, another top priority of Gilles will be to bring a sleeker, subtler styling to the Chrysler line as a whole. According to Gilles, their main goal will be “getting our cars to be sexy again.”

[Source: Automotive News]

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Hot Girls and Cars: A RideLust MythBuster

I was doing a little bit of browsing on eBay motors today [I wasn't joking when I said it's highly addicting] and I came across the photo pictured above of a 2002 BMW M3. The girls in the picture made me laugh, especially the one on the left who appears to be absolutely enraptured with the BMW logo. 

The picture reminded me of a few pretty sizable misconceptions that men who drive luxury and/or sports cars have. So, as an import car model myself, and a girl who is admittedly attracted to hot cars [ipso facto the guys that drive them], there are a few myths I’d like to debunk for the sports car enthusiast population [read: guys].

Myth #1: You Have a Hot Car, You Will Attract Hot Girls

This is actually only partially a myth inasmuch if you have a hot car, you probably will attract hot girls - the myth is that you’ll keep them interested. A hot car is the bait, your knowledge of the car is what’ll reel them in. If a girl asks ”What kind of pound per weight ratio does this bad boy have,” or “So where does this thing redline at?” YOU NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWER. There is no bigger turn off than a guy with a sick ride who doesn’t know jackshit about it.

Myth #2: Corvette’s Are Fail-Proof Chick Magnets

If you are over 40, the only thing your Corvette will communicate - even if it’s an absolutely babied Z06 - is: “I am single with waning sexual function.” I know that sounds harsh, but seriously, that is the conclusion girls, especially auto show/model girls, tend to draw.

Myth #3: Ferrari’s Are Fail-Proof Chick Magnets

With most girls, Italian models cars in general are iffy-territory becase there appears to be a rather sizable number of men who drive them that would prefer Steven to Stephanie, if you catch my drift.

Myth #4: The More Expensive The Car, The Better

Having a Lust-able ride does not necessarily mean dropping more than the gross national product of some countries to get it. I mean yeah, a Porsche Carrera GT is pretty damn impressive, but so is a fully-restored 1971 Chevrolet El Camino. It’s all about the devotion.

The same rules that apply to cars also apply to motorcycles, although I will admit outright that any guy on a Ducati Monster makes me weak in the knees.

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Introducing The 2009 Ford Flex: The Crunk Way To Carpool

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